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connection

distance
stay away for instance
keeping myself in my radius
leading life so tedious

i'm confident being independent
people tell me to feel otherwise
fitting in is a lame investment
definitely the path for the unwise

on a rainy day she's awake
sleepy eyes glued on screen excited
another day she spent awake
they say another day alienated

oh dear
that one sentence grabbed all her attention
the word she's been yearning all year
while longing for companion

In fact, what she needed was not less social connection, but connection that felt more meaningful.
(Cacioppo & Patrick, 2009)

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like a pair of shoes we are supposed to be of similar size we are meant to be one we are meant to be a pair it is not me and you it is meant to be us tonight, i walked with you with the streetlights chasing footsteps i am chasing you who am i after? what am i after? i lost track of everything i lost track of everything i lost track of everyone it is all blurry and fuzzy what i am truly after is us, huh, what i am truly after is me.

At 24.

Young adulthood. The stage I'm currently in. The stage you are probably in or have been in. The stage that's filled with exciting milestones. The stage where you're granted unlimited pass to anything and anywhere. It is frightening, yet exciting. It is daunting, yet stimulating. Exciting and stimulating; seems like life's active in motion. Seems like the stage to dash for the things that keep you awake at night. But, that's all fiction. That's all fiction. To me, life is one of a ride. You go up, then you go down. You say hello, then there is goodbye. You strive, then there's stillness. It is against the world. It is against the rules. Being still when everyone's in a hurry. But then, a voice whispered. Be still. Eventually, you will thrive.
how is it that the thing i read intensively for a year be a thing i'm struggling with  and i don't even realize it until i do