Tints and Shades

gedung tinggi mengedipkan mata mereka mobil berlari seakan tak ada hari esok entah apa yang mereka kejar apakah waktu? apakah uang? atau mungkinkah kesempatan? tidak perlu uang yang banyak tidak perlu teman yang banyak membayangkan itu saja aku gemetar gentar dengan semua riuh yang menemani sebab yang lebih menghibur adalah menatap langit gelap sambil mendengarkan alunan musik minum secangkir teh hijau panas dan merayakan kesunyian

"Each to each a looking glass Reflects the other that doth pass." and so that's what Cooley proposed, more than a century ago. I, me, my, mine. It is all constructed. Through a different point of view, through another pair of cornea. Yet, do you realize; Views become view? And, eventually, Perspective become reality? oh dear, all is constructed, it really is. one is not one until one says it is.

distance stay away for instance keeping myself in my radius leading life so tedious i'm confident being independent people tell me to feel otherwise fitting in is a lame investment definitely the path for the unwise on a rainy day she's awake sleepy eyes glued on screen excited another day she spent awake they say another day alienated oh dear that one sentence grabbed all her attention the word she's been yearning all year while longing for companion In fact,  what she needed  was not less social connection,  but connection  that felt more meaningful. (Cacioppo & Patrick, 2009)

as kids we were told to reach for the stars dream as high as the sky where rainbow resides as vast as the blue sea where greatness unveils we were told to be happy we were told to be crazy we were told to dream insanely we were told to design our own future restless nights from the thrill from the adrenaline imagining what the future will bring the tears of joy and blasts of celebrations where did it all go? when did everything start to go wrong? why is my adrenaline not pumping anymore? fear fear of disappointments fear of time fear of risks fear of failing fear of endless pit reality look just a little deeper look just a little simpler spark your sparks be fear not it's okay to dream big like you used to it's okay to imagine like you used to it's okay to be happy like you used to. (inspired by The Greatest Showman)

they told us to look within that we are all wonderful in our own way or so they say life just has lots of edges the more you look inside the uglier it gets the deeper you search within the darker it gets we all have shadows within us it scared me we do have that same endless black we all do it suffocates you but it's not enough to kill you it strangles you but you have the strength to fight back you're stronger than you think you're not fine but it's okay to not be okay it's okay to not be okay but through it all when it's getting hard to breathe when it's getting hard to stand on your own when it's getting hard to live you know i'll be there i'll be there i'll be there

cliff head goes left right yet they all stays night still staying pit black trapped in a misery of confusion of dilemma to be happy to not be happy to be grateful or to thrive for more that you can never be grateful it feels right to be wrong but it's wrong to be right to be or not to be and i say, do we even have the freedom to (feel, be) ?

It's amazing how I always resort to writing every time I have so much on my mind. It's somehow relaxing and comforting to be able to pour out everything that has been occupying me into words. Writing makes me think of what to write. Thinking of what to write makes me focus on thinking of what to write. Focusing on that particular thing makes me momentarily forget just the list of things I have to do and how heavy the things I have to bear. I ain't complaining, I needed time. Time to be recharged. Time to breathe. And maybe time to heal. I needed space. Space to be creative. Space to not be occupied. And maybe space to live. There. I said it. I said it. But amidst me writing this, something just occur to me. Maybe this IS how we live. Humans are supposed to live being occupied. Because that's the point of living. To feel exhausted. To feel pain. Because only by feeling those emotions, will you realize. That you are indeed alive.